If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
