Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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