Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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