Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
