did you get engaged???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
