You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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