So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
