This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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