she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
