I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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