You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
