I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
