im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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