That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
