Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
