My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
