question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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