I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
