have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
