you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
