My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
