6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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