farters have to be the big spoon...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
