Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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