I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
