I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
