I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
