I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
