why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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