yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
