i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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