he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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