I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
