Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
