apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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