Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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