this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
