talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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