i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
