Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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