I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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