You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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