franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
