:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
