I wish my penis had an off switch
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
