Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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