Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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