sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
