"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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