I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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